Bringing out all the stops

Konami recently re-released the classic side-scrolling arcade brawler X-Men, originally released in 1992, as a downloadable game for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. I spent an inordinate amount of my childhood playing arcade beat-em ups, so seeing it recently on a friend's PS3 brought back memories.


Back in the arcades, X-Men was conspicuous for its famously massive cabinet. The full-scale version of X-Men was quite the spectacle, with up to six simultaneous players and a giant double-wide screen composed of two adjacent monitors. Even the fact that the one at my local arcade had one monitor that was noticeably brighter than the other, which sort of made it look like half of the onscreen action was taking place in the standard Marvel universe and the other half was set in some darker, grittier alternate timeline, could not diminish its majesty.

And, of course, who could forget the six classic X-Men you could play as?

Cyclops, their heroic leader, whose very gaze can lay villains low with his devastating optic blast!

Storm, who commands the might of the elements themselves!

Wolverine, with the fury of a beast and claws that can cut through anything!

Nightcrawler, a mutant whose monstrous appearance belies his noble spirit, gifted with superhuman agility and the power of teleportation!

Colossus, a man made of living steel!

Dazzler, who... OK, who the hell is Dazzler?

Cry of Duty: Super NeoRobo Battle 2000

There's apparently some dissatisfaction among some Japanese gamers over the Japanese localization of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, with complaints about the quality of the game's dubbing and the the lack of an option to play with the original English audio. There are also reportedly errors in the translation, such as turning the line "Remember, no Russian " in the game's notorious airport level into "Kill 'em, the Russians," and repeatedly mistranslating the traditional U.S. Army expression "Hooah" as "My martial fury explodes with lawless rage! Indignant Discharge! Ultimate Celestial Bloodshed Strike!"

I know it doesn't speak at all well of me as a human being, but I got some malicious amusement from this as I thought back on the sort of localizations I grew up with. I spent my youth subjected to dialogue like "X-Men, welcome to die!" and "I've returned from the Dark World and become Red Pison." I sank 40+ hours into a game with a plot that heavily features an elite squad of superhuman soldiers called..."Soldier." I played the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game so many times that I could routinely beat it in two quarters, granting me endless exposure to villains making confusing threats like "You will be the ones escaping" and a climactic final battle that begins with the evil Red Skull gloating "It's another trap! You stupid men!" and letting out an evil laugh that sounds like a recording of Elmer Fudd in a vibrating chair being played back at double speed. Suffering through the occasional bad dubbing job is getting off easy.