For those times when porn from the internet, DVDs, VHS tapes, magazines, satellite broadcasts, and premium cable just isn't enough

Vivid Entertainment, the titan of the American porn movie industry that has brought you such classic works as I Was Teenage MILF, Nubian Nurse Orgy, and the epic Team Squirt decalogy, has expressed interest in selling downloadable adult movies on the PlayStation Network. Company cofounder Steven Hirsch says that the PlayStation 3 platform is only the first step, saying:

“If we move forward here we would look at other potential gaming platforms like the Xbox 360. The Wii seems to skew a little young."

Yeah, the Wii market could be a problem. Though in a way it’s too bad, given how much success the Wii has had adapting various genres for use with motion controls. If you could peer into my soul right now-which of course you can’t, with the beta release of Google Soul Scryer still months away- you would witness an epic battle between good and evil as I struggle against the temptation to make some disgusting joke involving the Wiimote.

To get serious for a moment, I can’t imagine Sony ever agreeing to this. Video games seem to have largely displaced television and movies in popular demonology and become the number one symbol of Things Corrupting the Youth of America Today. The situation is aggravated by the continuing perception of many people that games are entirely or almost entirely for kids.

A few years ago, the mere fact that the Sony PSP could connect to the internet was enough for it to be declared some sort of child-devouring magic sex machine. Officially sanctioned hardcore porn on a game console would ignite a media shitstorm of Biblical proportions. No amount of explanation about the PS3’s parental controls would be enough to calm things down. (And it goes without saying that actually taking a few minutes out of your day to check in on Junior to make sure he’s not visiting sites with names like yakuzasnuffmovies4u.com is too much to ask of parents.) This would be a bigger public relations blow for the video game industry than the false Fox News report on Mass Effect, the Grand Theft Auto “Hot Coffee” scandal, and the 2005 release of the universally condemned Call of Duty: Waffen-SS combined.

And besides, this surfeit of smut available today is bad for a young man's moral development. Not because it’s porn, but because it’s easy, unearned porn. When I was a kid, seeing people naked was work. You had to have a friend with Cinemax whose parents would let you sleep over and then stay awake into the middle of the night, or scour the video rental store shelves for movies from that period in the 1980s when you could have occasional frontal nudity and still get a PG rating. It taught discipline, ingenuity, and perseverance, and I’m a better man for it.